Practical Wisdom for the Best Worst Game Ever

Don't be a d-bag; pick up the p-bag.
Play like an ace; don't take a mace to the face.
When you meet an enemy in a three-tile-high passage,
Be quick with the downstab massage.
Get a Liz to watch your Kid, we're the childcare Wiz.
Don't get rattled when you do the reverse-Dazzle.
Watch out for RobedDouche; drink your pamplemousse.
Eat lots of dairy to float like a fairy.
Float like a feather, Sting like a bee,
Use your sword to grab that key.
This game is hard; often a chore,
It takes up to an hour or more,
But at least you don't have to listen to
Chicago's Twenty-Five or Six to Four.

Koans by CF207, navi_the_magnificent and JSR2Gamers.